Niklas Anderson's Blog

My Personal Echo Chamber

The longest pain is finally knowing someone who understands you. Who not only intuits you and predicts you, but can talk back to you and challenge you more deeply than anyone before or after.

To have someone who can make like clay out of you, and mold you into something better.

To have this person reshape you and allow you to completely change your views and your behaviors. To watch with minimal to no judgement as you completely reverse course on yourself and worm out of every shell.

To have person who feels that integrated – Leave you and find you not worth the cost of you.

That pain stays like a small rock in the middle of your chest and mind. Its weight a million times greater than its size.

Perhaps not me, but the parts of me better forgotten.

Every moment in our past is never truly forgotten. Not anymore, not these days. Every moment, experiment, mistake, becomes a relic for someone to uncover at a later moment.

Perhaps what I found is you, perhaps it is not. I am near doubtless it is, but what is the point in reminding you?

You are not quite forgotten. There are too many relics of your past for me to stumble upon entirely by accident. Too many relics that dig up parts of myself that I had wanted to forget.

Some things are better left reburied where found.



I want little more than to live lightly, and unburdened.

Unburdened by the expectations of family, friends, and strangers: to live by my own conscience.

To live by my own conscience is my only requirement.

The predicament is thus, as my conscience demands:

“Live by your nature, and yourself. Give yourself entirely to others as others are what make you. Make your family as you would make yourself, and work to make your peers expect more from themselves than they are themselves now.”

I want to be, more than anything else: myself. In being myself, I leave myself little of myself.

I am killing myself to be myself.

And I am sorry for those around me that I am not otherwise.


The 'liberal' is “neuro-diverse.”

"Your mind is immoral by all any standards: The standards must not be 'diverse' enough."

There is a hidden contempt, and complacency in such thinking. The liberal is lazy in widening their short arms to embrace more.

Why not as follows, "Your immorality is failure. But a failure in how the world has presented itself to you thusly"?

It is not just you, but the world. And what are you, but a world condensed through a smaller perspective. Are you made by nature or nurture? Show me the line in-between, and I will show you the line where logic meets feeling.

Two, or more, things collide and make you. Yet you are rejected or accepted not with hope of change and alignment, but with the assumption that you are too weak for change. You can be made better, and the strongest know better, but the weakest and most "liberal" reach out to you in "love."

Pity, if you have energy for it, those who lower their expectations for others to what they expect from themselves.


"The degree and kind of a mans WiFi password reach up and in to the ultimate pinnacle of his spirit"

- Thus Typeth Friedrich Nietzsche


The weakest amongst us cannot truly empathize, and truly help others. As they say, "the blind lead the blind."

The weakest amongst hurt, as the rest do. But they are not just overwhelmed by the pain, but they quickly revert to a state of 'release,' often inflicting or expressing that pain towards others. Causing pain in others is an expression of weakness in ourselves: A failure in endurance.

To endure pain, and to endure it longer, is to allow to strain on our spirit and grow wider. The widening pain forces us inward, and in forcing us inward we risk reverting back into our one-dimensional selves: into wanting bad upon others as an expulsion and repulsion of all the bad happening to us.

To the weaker, and the strong at weaker moments: You wish bad upon others. You are at a moment of weakness. You flail like a drowning man, but with a closed fist and not outstretched fingers. I know the pain, and the strong amongst the momentary weak will fully know your pain.

The drowning person does not, with any context or depth, know what it means to drown. They revert to the primitive, flailing moment of reaching or striking out. What separates the truly weak from the strong? The weak, at their best, revert to a comfortable ignorance and cannot extend beyond their current experience; The weak forget their onw sufferings when they think of others.

The strongest amongst us know that we are days away from flailing, screaming and punching. This is among the worst of their moments of which they may overcome, as humorous as it may be at a distance, they will could be better swimmers than all of us. The strongest amongst know how weak we can look, and cautiously extend a hand while reverting our eyes...

Grab hold of me of me if it is your moment. Don't, if it is not. I will bring you ashore if you take my hand either way. I will only hate or love you if I know you at your height in life. But an interesting questions opens to us: Is this your strongest or weakest moment? I only know as much in the full-ness of time.

Your darkest moments are only a measure of how deep the waters can be when you drown; The root of evil grow deeper under the branches of good.


I do not tell others my goals.

They will point out: They are unrealistic an impractical.

I need some unrealism - It till force me to stretch myself.


"I don't like religion, but I believe in God."

What is belief in God without religion?



External struggles are internalized.

To struggle externally, ultimately, forces one inwards. A person forced inwards is made deeper by it; To struggle internally is to be made more outwardly effective.

There are those who 'accomplish' much and struggle little other than at, perhaps, some specific moments. They maintain the status of a a financially successful manchild. Perhaps a useful asset, but useless friend and partner beyond the simple.

Let me struggle longer. Let me not be successful with little force. An emotional child at old age. Let all the pain force me inward.

What is God other than the combined expectations of "other people." God is "society," and society is your imagined audience.

Your God doesn't remember all your sins, because you don't. Confident in your own salvation, you think you are great and beloved. A sinner; you believe you are a sinner but struggle to think of examples beyond the immediate and obvious of what you did wrong.

Everyone else around you remembers your sins. Your sins are remembered better by others outside you, and they see you better tan you see yourself.

You'd do better without even believing it. Without mythologize and abstracting it. A simplified language: God. Just say what it really is and get to the facts quickly.

you hold on to God because you hold on to the self-centered qualities of God: God is not other people, my brothers and sisters. God is myself toward myself. "I pray to myself." Then why not say so and embrace yourself honestly?

The Evangelical makes a mockery both of his Atheism and his Evangelism; Like an ape, he ties to make other animals look lower whilst lowering himself.