Niklas Anderson's Blog

My Personal Echo Chamber

#MyIgnorantOpinions

Evangelicals are good for one thing: Proving to others that any relationship you believe you have with God is self deception.

The nakedness of their self interest, and their desire to tear other people down, is so clearly shown in their puppet that they call God. God is a mouth piece of everything they must believe in order to cope with life. once this is seen and hated in others, it is hard not to notice it in yourself and have any confidence in the truth of your experiences.

Evangelicals make it difficult to see God as anything more than an embodiment of all our veiled interests.

#MeaninglessAphorisms

The cold makes you forget the rest of and think only of yourself at this moment.

The cold has a way of making the rest of the world disappear.

This blog is also available to Tor users here: http://writeas7pm7rcdqg.onion/niklasanderson

I used to have my blog hosted by Netlify running Jekyll. But I found it all cumbersome and annoying, so I have swapped to write.as. While Write.as does not offer all the features I would like, it is more or less in line with my expectations of privacy. It is also simple enough for my simple mind.

I apologize if you have found this blog. I occasionally write here, but I do not accept any responsibility for any damage caused by me writing here.

I have these categories which you can sort my posts by:

#MyIgnorantViews #MeaninglessAphorisms #TechnoPosts #IsThisCreative

#MyIgnorantViews

Unnecessary evils are unbearable. So much so we revise our understanding of the world to provide a narrative to these evils.

The mistake of religion is the selfishness in providing immediate relief for our painful experiences, at the expense of making these evils ultimately justifiable.

#MyIgnorantViews

Collectivist cultures, like the Mexican culture, broadly stigmatize the notion of mental illness. Mental illness, as a thing in itself, is not recognized as a legitimate label to apply to an individuals differences in thought and behavioral patterns. This is not to say they particularly stigmatize the "mentally ill," as western whites put it, but rather they see this as an unnecessary distinction for otherwise acceptable variations in individuals personalities.

Western whites, particularly in the U.S., believe themselves to be uniquely free as individuals; unconstrained, persons or peoples are able to pursue the interests that suit the best within some commonly agreeable constraints imposed by a minimized state. Early American history is rife with experiments in lobotomies and castration of the "mentally ill" or "unfit," under the pretext that these individuals required violent corrections or removals from society as they could not meaningfully contribute or cope in the market-based society we lived in.

The ultimate backlash to America's persecution of the "ill" came at the hands of the anti-market, anti-corporate left. The belief among some intellectuals was that the mental health system was a means of social control, medicating and defanging those who could not conform to the norms imposed by market society. The movement that was hostile to the 'mental health system', the system of involuntary institutionalization without judiciary oversight, and enmeshed this with a view of Capitalist society as a system of constraints and control over the mentality of its subjects. To fight the mental health system was to undermine one means the state makers and capital owners swept aside the unusables, and to reintroduce them into a society that must be forced to cope with them as a means to bend capitalism closer to its breaking point.

Capitalism has not died. The state has not, by necessity of protecting capitalism from itself, inflated to control all of society all-the-while destroying itself and the separations of all modern institutions. The prospect of human emancipation has faded into background as we continue to pay the price of previous generations ambitions. And the 'deviant' personalities that were once considered "repressed" by misguided doctors and social experimenters continue to struggle to adapt to pressures of the labor market. They struggle with self-worth, inherently tied up in the progression of careers in a hyper-competitive global market place, in which "employ-ability" and other forms of social conformance are required to survive. The attempt by the sympathetic left threw the impulsives, the alcoholics, the sex abusers onto the streets with hopes that a new horizon of economic and social inclusivity would be ushered in ultimately benefit them. But capitalist America never arrived at what the less scientific cultures already had, a fundamental acceptance of others mental states with a disdain for medication and external controls.

Like all social and political conflicts, the answer lies somewhere in the middle of the extremes. Young American children now adopt the diagnoses given to them as identifying marks; every child has their own collection of ADHD, depression, etc. They have inverted the model set out by western mental health organizations, in that illness continues to be separating distinction of an individual from the common, but this is now seen by many as part of what makes us unique. While Latino cultures disliked the categorization of mental states, they accepted them more fluidly. Classifying psychological outliers became a process of elimination to the earlier psychs, but now has become a process of graduation for the high school grads.

We take our medicine, and we take it together. We conform and normalize the expectations imposed on us by faceless corporations who offer money in exchange for hours of our lives, and we do so willingly understanding that refusing treatment is to refuse better outcomes in this market. The myth of the market society that embraces all individuals is a naked lie: and we lay with it every night.

#IsThisCreative

I used to think my own mind was at least interesting.

Not smart. Not brilliant. But at least interesting to be within.

You can only live with a million thoughts if you can, in at least brief moments, condense them into smaller, encapsulated thoughts.

The genius and thrill that results from living with ADHD is the demand that you push through insistent thoughts and self produced distractions by putting them to rest. By taking these impositions of the mind and pressing them into something into a singular, satisfying summary.

Some insightful, self satisfying idea that calms the god damn demons that flicker like flies inside your brain.

The emotion, the impulse, the insistent pulsing of images that at each moment take you away from world in front of you at each moment. Fighting to stay in the world right now is like fighting to keep your feet on the floor without gravity or anything in reach to hold on to. I want to be here, need to be here, need to live life, but these fucking worlds that pull me, toss me, swing me around their orbit. How did I live this long, through all these years with my mind?

My mind flattened by strattera, I know what a normal, boring life is like. I know what it is like to go a day without a fascinating or intriguing, possibly original thought. I know what its like to have a job, pay bills, and function like a modern human being: without any of the things that made my childhood so horrible but also memorable. I now know what this departure from meaning: functional adulthood, is like.

I am here. And I can follow your words as you speak to me. Now that strattera has taken my mind away,

I can live.

The ego's highest moments, in the feeling of being invincible and uncritical of ones own behavior, are equally possible in the lowest moments of ones life as their highest. If not more so.

Moments of highness are moments of otherness, in which an immediate sense of self is forgotten in the absorbing experience of something outside ones self. Of being swept up or taken into an emotion.

Moments of lowness are marked by an overbearing self-centered awareness of the world as it is. The experiencing of pain is the experience of ones self, or of another as if they are ones self. Pain in all forms is to made starkly aware of ones body or ones self.

People of ego are often never spared a moment without some pain that draws them inward. Too much time inward breeds delusion, a loss of any frame of reference on which acts are oriented, acts that are extreme and ignore what surrounds us.

These moments of ego are a source of shame. They are a stain. both because they are forced upon us by desperate circumstances, but also because they perpetuate and deepen them.

In towards ones self is something of great gravity, and I desire nothing more than to be forgiven of these spiraling, inward collapses that have resulted in my most disastrous and public acts.

I comfort myself with this lie: These moments were imposed on me, by something outside myself.

#OpenSMTPd Quest: 3 – Relaying Email Out & Domains

This configuration adds the ability to relay email out if it originates from an "authenticated" smtp connection, meaning a configured user can use this server to send email out to the world.

Notice that "submission" is an option, this makes an alternative port available to senders at smtp is often filtered from household connections by ISP's

I had to remind myself when looking back on this version of the config that a password file is not needed because OpenSMTPD is reverting to local users, so we can require authentication but not yeat refer auth to a file with credentials

Still no anti-spam features or IMAP or anything like that. Please dont use this for production, this is a config provided for demonstration purposes.

##### Aliases ##### ext_if = "fxp0" table aliases db:/etc/mail/aliases.db table domains file:/etc/mail/domains ##### Pki ###### pki hostname.domain.com key "/etc/letsencrypt/live/your.domain.com/privkey.pem" pki hostname.domain.com cert "/etc/letsencrypt/live/your.domain.com/fullchain.pem" ##### Basic Functions ##### listen on $ext_if tls pki your.domain.com auth-optional listen on $ext_if smtps pki your.domain.com auth listen on $ext_if port submission tls-require pki your.domain.com auth action "local" maildir alias action "outbound" relay ##### Matching rules required for anything to happen ###### match from any for local action "local" match auth from for any action "outbound" ##### More complex rules for relay control options ###### smtp max-message-size 50M

A wild "domains" appeared! Here's what that looks like:

hostname.domain.tld domain.tld

This will simplify expanding the list of domains hosted from this server later.

#OpenSMTPdDiary

This version of OpenSMTPd adds TLS authentication and user aliases for Postmaster, Webmaster, and Security. This way an encrypted tunnel with pki authentication is possible, NOT GUARANTEED, and the administrator can receive email from external sources at addresses like "postmaster@domain.com"

Please note that you need a valid PKI Certificate for TLS to work, these can be attained by adding a HTTP server to your setup open on 80 and 443, then installing and configuring LetsEncrypt. After you have a webserver for LetsEncrypt to talk to, you can tell OpenSMTPd to use it too through the config below. Be aware that this setup still does not have Spam filtering, or any additional security that would be necessary for production, or really any public, servers.

To add or change user aliases, which is not the same thing as virtual users (which will be added later), edit /etc/mail/aliases and make the changes, then convert aliases to aliases.db. For OpenBSD: >doas makemap /etc/mail/aliases

Here's an overview of whats in aliases, "adminuser" should be swapped with your account:

# # $OpenBSD: aliases,v 1.67 2019/01/26 10:58:05 florian Exp $ # # Aliases in this file will NOT be expanded in the header from # Mail, but WILL be visible over networks or from /usr/libexec/mail.local. # # >>>>>>>>>> The program "newaliases" must be run after # >> NOTE >> this file is updated for any changes to # >>>>>>>>>> show through to smtpd. # # Basic system aliases -- these MUST be present #MAILER-DAEMON: postmaster postmaster: adminuser # General redirections for important pseudo accounts daemon: root ftp-bugs: root operator: root www: root # Redirections for pseudo accounts that should not receive mail _bgpd: /dev/null _dhcp: /dev/null _dpb: /dev/null _dvmrpd: /dev/null _eigrpd: /dev/null _file: /dev/null _fingerd: /dev/null _ftp: /dev/null _hostapd: /dev/null _identd: /dev/null _iked: /dev/null _isakmpd: /dev/null _iscsid: /dev/null _ldapd: /dev/null _ldpd: /dev/null _mopd: /dev/null _nsd: /dev/null _ntp: /dev/null _ospfd: /dev/null _ospf6d: /dev/null _pbuild: /dev/null _pfetch: /dev/null _pflogd: /dev/null _ping: /dev/null _pkgfetch: /dev/null _pkguntar: /dev/null _portmap: /dev/null _ppp: /dev/null _rad: /dev/null _radiusd: /dev/null _rbootd: /dev/null _relayd: /dev/null _rebound: /dev/null _ripd: /dev/null _rstatd: /dev/null _rusersd: /dev/null _rwalld: /dev/null _smtpd: /dev/null _smtpq: /dev/null _sndio: /dev/null _snmpd: /dev/null _spamd: /dev/null _switchd: /dev/null _syslogd: /dev/null _tcpdump: /dev/null _traceroute: /dev/null _tftpd: /dev/null _unbound: /dev/null _unwind: /dev/null _vmd: /dev/null _x11: /dev/null _ypldap: /dev/null bin: /dev/null build: /dev/null nobody: /dev/null _tftp_proxy: /dev/null _ftp_proxy: /dev/null _sndiop: /dev/null _syspatch: /dev/null _slaacd: /dev/null sshd: /dev/null # Well-known aliases -- these should be filled in! root: root # manager: # dumper: # RFC 2142: NETWORK OPERATIONS MAILBOX NAMES abuse: adminuser # noc: root security: adminuser # RFC 2142: SUPPORT MAILBOX NAMES FOR SPECIFIC INTERNET ERVICES hostmaster: adminuser # usenet: root # news: usenet webmaster: adminuser # ftp: root

Now, here's whats in opensmtpd.conf.local:

##### Aliases ##### ext_if = "fxp0" table aliases db:/etc/mail/aliases.db ##### PKI ###### pki your.hostname.com key "/etc/letsencrypt/live/your.hostname.com/privkey.pem" pki your.hostname.com cert "/etc/letsencrypt/live/your.hostname.com/fullchain.pem" ##### Basic Functions ##### listen on $ext_if tls pki your.hostname.com auth-optional listen on $ext_if smtps pki your.hostname.com auth listen on $ext_if port submission tls-require pki yourdomain.com action "local" maildir alias ##### Matching rules required for anything to happen ###### match from any for local action "local" ##### More complex rules for relay control options ###### smtp max-message-size 50M

#OpenSMTPdDiary

I have been volunteering for a non profit for a couple months now. It is run by a very experienced man who outright offered to mentor me as Linux Systems Admin. The opportunity to get direct production experience early in my career with technologies that fascinate me, under the guidance of someone experienced, is worth the lack of pay.

One of the many projects we've been working on is the building of a self hosted email server, using OpenSMTPd on OpenBSD. I have been instructed to works different levels of complexity in its configuration, receiving help and guidance as needed.

A major frustration in this project has been the lack of examples that demonstrate different concepts/configurations in OpenSMTPD. Many guides and configurations exist, but all are for woefully outdated versions of OpenSMTPd that can no longer be used by beginners as a reference. You know if they are out of date when they include many opensmtpd.conf lines containing "accept for ..." [The following can be used as a reference for older versions](https://coderwall.com/p/eejzja/simple-smtp-server-with-opensmtpd):

accept from any for domain “spamd.worrbase.com” alias deliver to mbox

To help others with this problem. I will be trying to leave example configurations as I work through this project, so that others can see how to work through similar projects themselves.

Opensmtpd.conf.local (THIS CONFIGURATION IS NOT SECURE; DO NOT USE ON PUBLIC INTERNET):

This configuration allows local users, ones that you can manage with useradd and passwd, to send and receive email from eachother and external emails via telnet with the received mail being deposited in ~/Maildir

Users can receive email if the server has a correct MX record, and the username is used as the user @ that domain: user@domain.com

Aliases

ext_if = “fxp0”

Basic Functions

listen on $ext_if

action “local” maildir

Matching rules required for anything to happen

match from any for local action “local”

More complex rules for relay control options

smtp max-message-size 50M