I used to think my own mind was at least interesting.
Not smart. Not brilliant. But at least interesting to be within.
You can only live with a million thoughts if you can, in at least brief moments, condense them into smaller, encapsulated thoughts.
The genius and thrill that results from living with ADHD is the demand that you push through insistent thoughts and self produced distractions by putting them to rest. By taking these impositions of the mind and pressing them into something into a singular, satisfying summary.
Some insightful, self satisfying idea that calms the god damn demons that flicker like flies inside your brain.
The emotion, the impulse, the insistent pulsing of images that at each moment take you away from world in front of you at each moment. Fighting to stay in the world right now is like fighting to keep your feet on the floor without gravity or anything in reach to hold on to. I want to be here, need to be here, need to live life, but these fucking worlds that pull me, toss me, swing me around their orbit. How did I live this long, through all these years with my mind?
My mind flattened by strattera, I know what a normal, boring life is like. I know what it is like to go a day without a fascinating or intriguing, possibly original thought. I know what its like to have a job, pay bills, and function like a modern human being: without any of the things that made my childhood so horrible but also memorable. I now know what this departure from meaning: functional adulthood, is like.
I am here. And I can follow your words as you speak to me. Now that strattera has taken my mind away,
I can live.